but in sheeptown maggot they know who.s the faggot
the pedo crawled over them all
as the jester pester now started to fester ...
the bluebottle crawled up the wall

but it.s high flying eagles for smeagols regals
it,s chantelle my belle then maybe another

as the sunshine goes down for the camden clown
 (  we all know how josephine crept round his mother )

and we all know the turkey who,d vote for xmas
 a hot roast thats all going down

and how he dreams of a tight shorts xmas .. ..
. and of santa clause coming to town

so simpering slackers for cheap clapped out crackers .
. ( or maybe the new queen of phwoar )

as the nosey old  parkers still leer for koo stakers ...
how lady di once flashed  the lashes demure

but we all know rolf harris got plastered in paris ...
 as he drove around in a wandering car

as the wise old men they still all ask when ..
and it,s twinkle twinkle little star

oh  hannah my hanker
  and daves turgid canker
  a little bitch fuck but who,s losing the plot
  as the hideous hag shares her no 5 fag
and her fentalyn fares down in kensington rot

  as the no 1 single at "jingle and mingle" ....
 now thats what i call a lockdown party

elemetary it,s said but  they still fear the tread
  the "behind you" that echoes down time . , , moriaty

and the luvvies lost soul . . . . as he nails his last role ....
in the dark fetid one bulb .. . . of stairwell des res

  "tis the jungles dark lore . . . neyh .festerering shore ....
 but alas tis" . . . simple suella says

ranting dave courtly ruled the roost
but hansy pansy ran away
were the three little piggys such good chums
was the big bad wolf so really gay
as limp as a "duckybilledduckyplus " a wailing whale but a one plus ten
did the small hand point to the laghing gnome did the big hand points to the flowerpot men
cause you can,t be too sure of manly galore and you can,t be sure of shell
watch the trolly dolly flounces around but all,s not gel that doesn,t hair gel
a limp wrist falcetto but jusy one cornetto as the heat reigns down in  italy
and he won,t want to go to hawaii dive oh or ride into "greasy-on-flaps-by-the sea"
but on stoke fruit farm it,s the simpering charm
the little riding of risible rotters
it,s basketcase ball and we bet on the fall
and the coming soon of the "balleen beach trotters"

but too cool for school and a drunk game of pool
in the basement bar of the pissed
but we all heard the tale of the ship that set sail
and the sunshine thats never been kissed
and the monks bad habits for rachaels rabbits ... that really wasnt cricket
but caught in the lair of the strawberry fare ... legover but no middle wicket
but the patter to flatter as the joke teeth still chatter .... but it,s just all so taurus the bull
rocks stars in bars but who sang life on mars ... but harp still stays sharp on the pull
but the spandau ballletic are friends just electric ... is that just a short flight of stairs
and such a shame about the face ... in his leaque against cruel hippy flairs
cause it,s said the ladys not for turning ... she, not a buy one get one free
but did rudolph the red nosed reindeers cartoon .... really air on i.t.v
but some girls do and some girls don,t .... but the wizard saw "my baby jive"
but who,s selling england by the pound .... and who just had a go on the m25
cause some might say that it,s pay and display .... and the rumours abound of the thousand quips
but it,s just a sausage and greasy cone ... a cone of very greasy chips
but the "never for ever" the "reprise" of heather
the "greatest hits" of the princess has been
as sergeant pepper made his stand
but simon only shoot blanks at the queen

it,s daytime t,v ... and it,s cheap and it.s free . . .  a royally low key  appointment
no horse and carriagen no three in that marriage  . . .  a dunking disappointment
just a short trip by car to the drab registrar . . .  regality decried
as the band struck up with "ride around sally ride sally ride"
cause it,s said she had an "earthy something" and wasn,t afraid to flout it
 alice and edward were lovers you know .... o.k. yah so how about it
but all.s not well in the fairytale  . . .  but then the air turned royal blue
"oh camilla do i fill you uo" . . . . "oh yes oh yes you do"
  but a showmance to  chance but he still did the dance come sleazy conniving old slapper
get caught on the diddle you play second fiddle to mr and mrs crapper
but a title thats yours to that regal applause ... regal therein autographing
"her royal hideousness her shagness of carnal"
to the sound of the hyena laughing

but regard ye tales of damsels eh knights
be daring deeds eh ye flights in tights
be robin no wood,s merry ye men
 ye rumours abound be cursed eh muttered
be drinketh ye ale be talketh ye tale be cavernous arm,s "ye bottom be buttered"
be ribauld ye rage or ye sometimes be sage be "better than" maudlin ye sorrows be drowned
  or ye laughter regales be ye beach balleen whales ye pester be fester ye jester  be clowned
  but heareth ye tale be sir styeth did fail be ye little red riding,s big bad invation
not be,eth yeh choice and he neheth rejoice but all hear ye be coronation
but ye mocketh remain be "oui je la t,aime" some sayeth true love not be true
and he be ye regal number one perchance ye regal number two
be ye soft be ye strong be ye very very long be breaketh wind be splash be flush
as some still regale "ye olde slappers tale" ye audience wait be baited hush
but remember ye rhymes be ye flea bitten timess . . . . ye plaque ridden corpses be rattus be rotton,s
till rejoice be ye well as we all hear ye tale be fairytale princess "simona of bottoms"
and first ye buy ye plates be mugs until hear tale of crash eh cuss
"ascendeth ye throne be ye laughing gnome cause ye be ye fuckwit resplendicus"
but who be ye sty eh who be ye sly as ye executioner roll ye craps"
and all ye french fries on ye side
 eh sauce be "K.C.Chickenflaps"
but who be ye sty who be ye sly ye pray fair axeman be one chop of coin camp
but who be yeh trusty arise sir burrell  ( be greedy gaylord of well be ye camp camp )
some sayeth yeh rock but ye just loveth cock ye lady igrayne but yeh drawbridge be raised
but hot buttered cob,s and nobs be gobs come "praise be  my soul" and ye songs ye be praised"
but receive ye robes be righteousness ye "tamptestry-on-de-vickers"
"hualley-luy-le-ah" be song .... nut hark ye sound be furtive snickers
cause hear ye tales be ye furtive regales ye cat got yet creme eh ye pussycat mews
perchance not be ye "daily regaily" but ye "sunday courts" eh ye "news of ye pews"
be careless talk midst peasants ye walk midst yeh sloven idolatry dives
some sayeth be nayeth not"my king a ling" but ye pages be stucketh be "regales wives"
  be slovenly cooker be old porkfest looker ye fairest but ye be,eth sure
 be yeh lovely personality ask "ye meteor dodging dinosaur"
but ye prince be plonkered of chardony conquered  ye bitches be tripping be bunny raps
and all yeh french fries on ye side
eh sauce be "K.C.Chickenflaps"